Am I a failure?

When I first found out I was getting divorced, one if the first thoughts that was constantly racing through my mind was, "What did I do? What could I have done to prevent this?"

The answer was nothing. It was not my fault. I was not the one that wanted my marriage to end, even though I was unhappy. When I got married, I honestly wanted it to be my only marriage. I did not even want to think about divorce, but things happen that are out of our control. As I have said before, if one person is trying to make the marriage work, it won't work. Marriage is 50-50. Both sides have to commit.

I'm hearing more and more from friends who are going through divorce that they had done everything possible to save the marriage, but their partner was not interested in saving it. I told them that it wasn't their fault. None of it was. If you are trying to fix it, you have done all you can do.

If you are going through a divorce and you are struggling to figure out what you could have done to save it, please stop right now. You will only beat yourself up over it when it is not your problem. All you can do is accept what is happening to realize that better things are on the horizon.

In the words of Sierra Boggess,"You are enough. You are so enough. It's unbelievable how enough you are."

A Phoenix reborn from the ashes

I realized that this month would have been six years of marriage if we had made it this far.

Instead, we barely made it to two. It wasn't for lack of trying on my end though. I tried everything to make a crappy marriage work, and it didn't. I am so glad that it did not work out. When you are 21 you think you know it all. I was so naive to think my marriage at 21 would be my only marriage. It seems I wasn't alone in that thought process. Many people I know that got married that young are getting divorced or already divorced. Maybe it was for stupid reasons or maybe it was for more serious issues like cheating, abuse, etc. Whatever the case may be, it's the season for divorce. Yes, it sucks, but good things are coming.

I took my relationship and marriage with my ex as a huge learning experience. It taught me what I did and did not deserve in a relationship. It taught me not to settle. It taught me that even though one person will try their hardest to make things work, if the other person does not put in any effort, it will not save anything. It taught me that I am worth more than I know.

So, I guess I should thank my ex for reducing me to the lowest point in my life. Because of you I was able to rise from that low point and come out a stronger, and better person.

I should say that it took time. I was angry and hurt at first for awhile. I thought there was no coming back from such a crappy situation. Boy, was I wrong. Here I am four years later and I am thriving and happier than ever. I think his intention was to break me down so badly so that I would never recover, but the joke is on him. My daughter and I are perfectly happy now, and I will never forget how much I grew and what I learned from my "marriage" and divorce.

To everyone out there who is married and going through a divorce, it gets better. You might not think so right now, but it does. Hang in there. <3